


you've gone where I can't follow

by solohux



Series: Tumblr Prompts & Drabbles [5]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Redeemed Ben Solo, prepare yourself for anakin/padme parallels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8201768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solohux/pseuds/solohux
Summary: "I don't know you anymore," Hux says, backing away from the man pretending to be Kylo Ren. "You're breaking my heart."





	

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt I got from a lovely anonymous person on tumblr a while back. ❤️
> 
> the fic can also be found on my tumblr [here!](http://solohux.tumblr.com/post/149670569229/i-dont-know-who-you-are-anymore-for-the-angst)

As soon as Hux sees Kylo’s command shuttle approaching the _Finalizer_ , he sets off running. It’s been weeks since they’ve seen one another, the rumours rife about Kylo’s whereabouts, about his loyalty to the First Order, with some reports even saying that he’d been spotted exchanging information with high-ranking Resistance members, with General Organa herself.

But Hux knows that the man he loves isn’t a traitor.

He manages to keep a cap on his emotions, keeping the soul-crushing dread that it’s actually all _true_ ; that the call to the Light has been too strong for Kylo to ignore and he’a gone back to the Resistance, shed his old life and embraced the Light. But he’s here, his shuttle flying into the hangar of Hux’s ship so Hux knows that everything is going to be alright. He _knows_ it is...

Hux reaches the hangar and sees Kylo running down the landing ramp of his shuttle. The remaining personnel in the hangar obviously know what’s good for them and scatter quickly before they can see Hux run into Kylo’s open and waiting arms. His embrace is warm, just like Hux wanted it to be, and he’s so grateful that Kylo has returned to him, grateful that his knight has come bounding out of his shuttle to meet him, that Kylo is still strong and beautiful, still looking like _Kylo Ren_ and not anyone else, his arms warm and protective.

“Ren. I was so worried about you,” Hux says, nuzzling his cheek against Kylo’s jaw.

“I’m alright,” he replies, his voice as strong and as powerful as Hux remembers it to be. He pulls away from the embrace and tips Hux’s chin up to lock their gazes together. “I’m here. We’re alright.”

Despite Kylo’s unnaturally calm appearance, Hux feels his core shaking with fear.

“Where have you _been_?” Hux asks, failing to conceal the hurt and the anger in his tone. “I couldn’t contact you. We had reports–sightings of you at a Resistance base, talking to their leader, giving her documents, _hugging_ her…Like you’d turned to the light side.”

Hux tries not to picture the image that one of their spies had sent back of Kylo, looking soft and tamed, bending down to embrace General Organa, the woman who Hux most wants _dead_. Her, and her pitiful group of rebels.

He looks up into Kylo’s dark eyes, seeing a softness to them that Hux has never seen before; a calmness and a peacefulness that no one associates with the unpredictably angry Kylo Ren. Hux slides his hand up Kylo’s forearm but frowns, feeling a dampness to the material under his fingertips. He looks down, seeing the dark robes soaked with blood.

“Ren? Are you–?”

“It’s not my blood,” Kylo replies, looking down at his stained clothes. “The Supreme Leader is dead.”

Hux’s breath catches in his throat, his eyes widening.

“ _Dead_?” Hux echoes, shocked, feeling as though his world is coming apart at the seams and no amount of stitching is going to hold it together.

Kylo is loyal to Snoke, his _master_ , the being who’s guided him through his training of that Force and now Kylo has…betrayed him? _Murdered_ him? Hux feels dizzy, not understanding what’s going on.

“We’re free, Hux,” Kylo says, taking hold of Hux’s hands, holding them tightly in the gap between them. “The darkness is dead, the Order soon to go with it. We’re free to go to the Light. They’re waiting for us. It’s over.”

“Stop it,” Hux says. “Stop talking like that…you’re _scaring _me, Ren. It’s not over. We’re still here, the Order is still here.”__

Kylo shakes his head, tightening his grip on Hux’s hands. “The Order is lost, Hux. Without the Supreme Leader, it has no power against the Light. It’s calling for us to go. _Both_ of us.”

Hux finds himself struggling to breathe.  
“It’s like…” Tears brim in Hux’s eyes. “I don’t know who you are anymore.”

“I’m the man who loves you,” Kylo replies, though Hux finds no comfort in his calm tone. “I’ve done this to protect you. We can be safe. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you.”

“Ren…” Horror overtakes Hux’s voice, making him tremble, making him speak in a small and fragile whisper. “What have you done?”

And for once, Hux wishes that Kylo didn’t have a reply.

“I’ve brought peace to the Galaxy. No more darkness, no more forced order, no more chaos.”

Kylo’s aura is almost shining from his newfound peace and Hux wants to run far, far away from him. This _isn’t_ Kylo Ren, this isn’t the reckless and untamed man that had enraptured Hux’s heart.

Kylo looks up as a few tears fall from Hux’s emerald eyes. “The Resistance are on their way to ambush the _Finalizer_. It…won’t be able to hold its own for long against them. We have time to leave. I came back to get you, they said they won’t attack until I’ve got you, safe-”

“Ren, stop-”

“And we can start again with the Light. Help rebuild the Galaxy the way it’s meant to be. We can help, you don’t belong with the Dark, Hux. You belong with _me_ , and the Light-”

_“Stop!”_

Hux pulls his hands free of Kylo’s hold, taking staggered steps backwards, wanting to get away from the imposter in front of him, a false hero pretending to be his Ren.

“Hux? Come on. We have to leave. Now. Together.”

Hux shakes his head slowly, tears flowing down his cheeks.

“I don’t know you anymore,” Hux says, his voice cracking, too overwhelmed by what he’s hearing. “You’ve gone down a path, I can’t follow.”

“Yes, _you can_ , Hux,” Kylo replies, reaching out to touch Hux, but he steps back, not wanting to be touched by a man he doesn’t know. “Come with me. Please.”

Hux hears the faint sounds of an alert beginning to ring across the top decks of the ship and he knows that it’s likely that the Resistance ships have arrived to annihilate them.

“There’s still dark in you, I know it. I can feel it. This is where you belong, Ren. You’re not _good_. Don’t let Ben Solo’s family tell you otherwise. That boy is long dead. You've said so yourself. Stay here, with me…Or leave. It’s your choice.”

Kylo sighs. “Hux. Don’t do this.”

Hux takes another step backwards, feeling as though there’s no other direction to go in. The air between them thickens and Hux stares into Kylo’s dark eyes that are pleading with Hux not to leave him, but Hux ignores the begs. His hands are trembling, his knees threaten to give way beneath him and part of him wants to scream at Kylo for doing this to him-to them.

“Goodbye, Ren.”

And Hux turns his back on Kylo for the first time in his life, feeling as though his soul is being torn in half; half wanting to run as far away from Kylo as possible, run away from the man who’s more Ben Solo than Kylo Ren, who’s more Light than Dark. But the other half wanting to leap into his arms and hold him until the end, to hide away from both the Resistance and the Order because Kylo is the only thing in Hux’s life that he’s ever truly cared about. And suddenly that’s all over, gone and lost, just like Ren.

Hux doesn’t stop walking.

From behind him, he hears Kylo’s heavy footsteps stride back up the ramp of his shuttle but Hux has already exited the hangar is on his way up to the bridge, everything moving in slow motion around him. The Finalizer shakes ominously as its fired upon, his officers chaotic around him, but Hux is too occupied with the chaos inside him, the deep, swirling agony that’s threatening to crush him and break him, reduce him down to his bones and beg for mercy. Kylo is gone, and he’s taken a part of Hux with him, the part that Hux needs the most.

His knees shake as he feels Kylo’s voice in his mind, though not soothing or welcome. It’s empty, Hux feels nothing.

_I love you, Hux._

_Liar_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! My tumblr is [@solohux](http://solohux.tumblr.com/) ❤️


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